No Man....to shutting down....

Sorry...its been awhile since I last posted. Things are a little crazy right now. I've been sick and even though I feel better I still have a lovely cough. AF was roaring its ugly head as well. Thank goodness AF is over...10 more days until....well you can figure it out.


So...quick update...Saturday I spent the day cleaning and recovering from this awful chest cold that seems to be lingering even after a course of antibiotics. Sunday proved to be a much more interesting day. But before I go into that let me give a little history lesson about Mike & Jess. My Dad and grandparents raised me in the Catholic church. My mom was raised Lutheran. Mike was never baptised but his parents and him attended a Methodist church when he was little. Most of his friends were Catholic growing up and he attended many masses with his friends. When Mike and I got engaged Mike converted to Catholicism. Which I never expected him to do. I just wanted to be married in the Catholic church.


So Sunday Mike & I woke up early to go to early mass. Some how we got on the topic of Pro-Life vs Pro-Choice. OH! I know how...Mike recently researched the difference between the groups and came across a Catholic site which clearly expressed its views as well, that Mike was not in agreement with. But anyway....we were on this discussion and he brought to my attention that Pro-Life is now stating that NO ONE should be able to have an abortion. While Pro-Choice is now on the side that many do not support abortion as birth control but do view some abortions necessary such in the case of rape, incest or if the mother's life is at risk, etc.....I was blown away by this new info. I always consider myself Pro-Life but I do not agree with their current views nor the Catholic church's current views. I was highly upset when Mike pointed out that in the Catholic church's eye I had an abortion with my D&E. It made me angry...angry that MEN of all people in the Vatican have devised all these "laws"!! I stand behind when I say NO MAN will ever understand the emotional pain I have been through during & after my miscarriages, including these men of God! Thought I would just point this out....because I was unaware. Mike was also disgusted with how the Pro-Lifers represented themselves on their websites while Pro-Choicers were very factual on their websites. He did give the Catholic church credit though in the way they explained themselves.

Anyway at church the homily was an interesting one. It was about fear and trusting God with your fears. Father, gave a funny story (I'm not sure if its fictional or not) that this religious woman got on a plane to travel to the holy land. It was her first time traveling by air. As she fastened her seat belt she closed her eyes and didn't open them until they were at cruising altitude. She looked out the window just as one of the engines was falling off, she started screaming "oh my God we are going to die!" Flight attendants quickly attended to her and tried to calm her down. They tried telling her that they could safely fly back with just 3 engines but that did not satisfy her. She kept yelling "oh my God we are going to die!" They also try to calm her down and brought 4 bishops. She cried out "I rather there be 3 bishops and 4 engines!" I thought it was rather cute and tried to apply what father was telling me to my own life. Sure I am afraid of spiders and heights all which I can trust in God. However, the fear of never having my own biological family scares the crap outta me along with having more m/c and I'm having a hard time placing that in God's hands.

I am still looking into a dance studio. I have a budget set up with price quotes from flooring specialists, barres, mirrors, etc...I have also met with a realtor at a local plaza, which was very helpful and eye opening. But if I do open up I would def like to open in this plaza for various reasons but no point in getting into that now until it happens.

Lately I feel very under appreciated at work. My boss is a great guy and a great work spouse. But he is overly frustrating on a lot of days! Being the boss he has a lot of responsibilities which I understand and have to cover for him, treating our patients, writing notes, and the list goes on and on while he's attending his boss duties. Sometimes he doesn't think though and does it at the worst times and I feel like he leaves me stranded. He has a lot on his plate I know...but...but....maybe I should just stop complaining.

So work hasn't been an enjoyment lately and I'm at the point that I'm tired of hearing patients b!tch and complain like I have nothing at all to complain about. They've had o-p-t-i-o-n-a-l surgery, they chose to get their knee replaced, no one forced them into it and they expect it to be healed in a week! HELLO, are people idiots or are the doctors for not explaining the extent of surgery? GRR! I'm just sick of the mentality of these patients, some days it drives me nuts.

So I'm starting to wonder if this is God's plan? If he doesn't want me to have children just yet and wants me to use the gift that he has given me to start my own dance studio. I've always loved this quote:

"What you do is God's gift to you, what you make of it is your gift to God."

Today was a very off day for me....maybe this week has been. I feel as if I've been shutting down like I go through the emotions, my head is spinning with thought (babies, dance, house, etc..) but I'm not up for communicating with anyone. Does that make sense? This is mainly at work. I mean one minute I'm talkative and the next I don't want to be bothered. I'm not up for sharing personal information except with one or two people. I'm just usually very open & share personal detail like what's been going on in life, etc...but I just shut down and want to get the heck out of there.

I once again today was reminded that I would be almost 1 month away from my due date with Baby #1. I walked out into our front office and there our pregnant woman is sitting with a co-worker of mine on her knees rubbing her belly!!! SLAP 1! The pregnant woman has also been complaining of some back issues and my PT that I work with offered to help just like he does with everyone while I'm left treating our other patients. But they start talking about adding her baby girl to her insurance and its just like damn shut the #&^@ up! Slap 2! I don't understand any reasons for shutting down. <--sarcasm!

This week my Rav-4 is being repaired and I have a Nissan Murano which I have fallen in love with!!! I don't want my car back! My total damage is now totalling closer to $2700!! Thank God for insurance!!