just DANCE!

So just a little update. Some of you may know that last summer I started my own dance company. It only consisted of a few students but I was renting from a local ballroom studio and teaching classes there. Well this summer two of my teachers from when I was younger were left go from the studio I grew up in for no reason. They were mailed a two sentence letter after one had been there for 30+ years. Can you believe it?? So good news is instead of totally giving up my dream, I've joined up with them. We are teaching at 2 locations. So far we have about 10 students signed up. But I'm positive more will sign up before the start of class tomorrow. Classes start tomorrow and I still have stuff to do but here I am updating my blog. HA HA! Oh well, I haven't in 3 weeks so its about time. Just another thing to add to my busy schedule. The past 2 months have been spent getting a website ready, advertising material, LLC agreements, bank account and so much more. So I've given up spending time writing here and posting/reading posts on PAL and reading my friends blogs. :-( I still really wish I was a SAHM....or if I could I would pause time because there really isn't enough hours in the day to get everything I want to get done completed.

Not enough time....

Banbear....like you said there is just not enough time in the day!! There are so many changes going on or things I would like to write about that would be nice to get off my chest but there is so much going on that I don't have time to! Frustrating!! Stay tuned, hopefully I'll get a chance to post about some more positive things. :-)

Landon & Daddy

Adjusting

I can't stress enough to those TTC or expecting mothers how much your life changes. How much your life with DH changes. Crazy changes. Body changes. You name it, it changes. Is it worth it for a LO? Without a doubt!


I don't remember what life was like before Landon and it has only been 10 weeks since his arrival. I can't remember the last time I've been this delighted, proud or the feeling of being on cloud 9. I just love spending time with my little guy and being around him whether he's happy, fussy, sleepy, playing, smiling, "talking", whatever it is...I just love it! I hate being away from him and thats why I hate working full time. Its not that I hate my job, its just I don't like being away from my LO.


So getting back to changes...adjusting to Landon has not been hard for me. Sure, I have my moments I get frustrated, or need me time, or need help, but he's been a fairly easy baby. I have fully embraced and love motherhood With that said, Mike and I have had a hard time adjusting to each other's new roles.


You always hear men and women are programed differently and becoming a mommy and a daddy is no exception. Daddy's are programed diffrently than mommy's. We are having a very hard time with this. I'm sure he won't be happy with me for posting about this but I know I'm not the only one out there going through this and I want others to know that this adjustment period is real and normal.


DH and I argue constantly about the way he does things vs the way I do things and dividing up household chores. Let's talk about this more in depth...I can't stand to hear Landon cry, it just breaks my heart so when DH can't get him to stop crying and sometimes from the lack of really trying on his part, I take Landon and try to calm him down or figure out whats wrong. This wears on me. I feel he should have this natural instinct as well to calm his baby down...but ladies they don't and then they get pissed when you take them away from them. I can understand how he may feel upset, like he can't do anything right but when I've given him tips and he doesn't use them it pisses me off.


Let's talk about dividing things up. I'm so sick of cleaning up after three people. It got old while I was home. Here is our division of household chores


DH pays the bills, mows the grass/snowblows/weed wacks, makes dinner, cleans the showers, does repairs on the house if able, run the wet vac (once in a blue moon), make appts for cars when needed, bathes the dogs on a rare occassion


My responsibilities are to vacuum, dust, wipe nose prints off the windows/doors, clean the bathrooms, clean up the kitchen (and I do this all the time because he doesn't clean up after he makes dinner), laundry (from start to finish), garden (though I've been slacking this summer...wonder why), tidy up (this includes hanging up his coat/clothes, putting his shoes away, etc), grocery shop though DH occassionally runs in....I'll let you know if I think of anything else.


OH and taking care of Landon...not that he doesn't help but this may result in a tif cuz DH doesn't do things my way. For example I've told him NOT to put the bottles in the dishwasher OR just boil them because it leaves this nasty film on the bottles and I just end up handwashing them anyway.


We both share taking care of the dogs and loading/emptying the dishwasher. I dunno does this seem equal to you or just the norm? After being back to work for 2 weeks I feel overwhelmed and stretched thin. For example yesterday I was up 4 times in 7 hours with DS which is highly unusual and finally at 7:oo AM I got up with him. I started cleaning around 9ish with breaks inbetween to calm Landon down or feed him. I went shopping with my mom for about 3 hours and when I got home I continued to clean so I wouldn't have to today. I didn't stop except for a visit from my co-worker Pip and her 2 sons, which was for a half hour, until 8:30. I was exhausted and fell asleep almost as soon as I layed down. I think I've communicated that I do need more help but that seems to have fallen on deaf ears.


So...what's Landon up to? He's teething!! Fist in his mouth, drooling, fussiness, knawing on our fingers or like I said his fist. I really can't believe it. He's doing just so well. Here are some more pics for this week.

Wearing some cute slippers that Gran got me.

Bless you!

Back to Work

I've always wanted to be a SAHM! My mom stayed home with me up until I was 16 or so. I hated it growing up but was later grateful. She returned back to work part-time when I was a sophomore in high school, by this time I was dancing 4 nights a week and knew the difference between right and wrong. I turned out fairly well I think...whether it was the fact that my SAH mom was able to instilled morals and values in me at an early age or the fact that my dad was a cop and I was too scared to get in trouble...or maybe it was a combination. Who knows? Sorry if I'm sorta rambling...I'll get to a point or maybe I won't tonight. Maybe you'll just learn more about us...or rather me, good or bad.

Anyway...returning to work has made me feel like a failure and as I typed those words tears are streaming down. I don't know how else to describe the feeling. I really don't. I'm not use to this feeling but my heart feels very heavy with guilt. I want my son to have what I had and I'm upset that he might never have his mom at home.

You would think that he was in daycare the way I'm acting. He's not. He's at the next best place than with him Mommy. He's with my mom, his Gran. This also kills me! She'll get to see all his milestones before I do (more than likely). Again I'm so glad its my mom!! :::more tears::: But at the same time it makes me sick that it won't be me. Maybe, I'm just a spoiled brat for feeling this way. I just have a feeling I'm going to envy her and when he goes running to her rather than me my heart is just going to break into pieces.

Even working part time would be so much better but I would give just about anything in the world to be a SAHM!! Unfortunately this won't be happening as Mike is in limbo with his job, I carry our insurance, and I'm in the process of becoming business partners with 2 other ladies for our dance company. More to come next post on my dance company, once I'm in a better mood. For now I'm off to go work out a little bit since Landon is getting some shut eye.

On a cheerier note here are some pictures of Landon the past week. BTW, he's 9 weeks old today. My baby is growing up!

One of the first smiles I have captured on film or a digital camera.

So serious....

Chillin at the pool.

This is how I chill in the bath tub. Really he always ends up this way.

It's almost bedtime.