Let it rain...or down pour

So my frustration from last night definitely carried on into today which lead to a highly emotional day.

When we were TTC Baby #2, I was told at my PCP to stop taking my allergy med and now that I'm not pg anymore my allergies are making me m-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e! My head is full of sinus pressure, my throat is sore from all that yucky stuff draining, I'm sneezing all day long and my ears are clogged so I ventured off to my PCP today for a possible sinus infection and some good allergy medicine.

While I was there I decided to ask my PA-C her opinion on seeking a specialists help and when we could TTC again. Her answer was basically she said to give it a 3rd shot, and if I m/c again I should see a specialist. She also noted we could TTC when I was ready. The reason some Dr's say to wait is so your cycle becomes regular again and this way they "know" when you got pregnant (umm...ok...don't u/s measure this?). She also added that if there was a problem (I asked if Dr's have you wait so your body cleanses it self out) with the lining that the embryo would not implant and would have (I'm assuming) a chemical pregnancy without knowing it. Which makes sense to me, medically speaking. Oh did I mention, that she told me that sometimes insurance companies will not cover any fertility testing unless 3 m/c have occurred? Can you say R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S?

So Mike calls me as I'm on my way back to work and shares that he talked to the mid-wife he knows. She told him that I should wait until my tests from my D&E come back and we could go from there if that does or doesn't show anything. She also suggested waiting 1-2 cycles. I don't get it, I think the medical field is now comparable to politicians....they change their opinions weekly. Its ridiculous that there is no black and white answer on some things and that Dr's follow different protocols. GRRR....I know I work in the medical field and I have a hard time accepting this. So anyway...I guess I started questioning well why...and well don't you think...and that doesn't make any sense...why, why, why???? And Mike and I got into our latest yell fest which left me in tears. I'm just frustrated, why can't he understand??? I simply need to understand why this is happening.

Obviously, at least in my head, there is a reason...I no longer believe this is a fluke. I shouldn't have to go through 3 m/c for insurance purposes. I've actually thought about writing to some, I'm so livid. Is that even humane? I'm livid that insurance companies basically dictate how Dr's should treat their patients. Its unacceptable!

So during our yell fest, I mention something along the lines "Does a Dr let 3 people die, without knowing the cause?" Mike replies, "Don't get me started, you know we don't agree on this." So for those who are pro-life & others who are pro-choice.....even if you don't want to view egg + sperm = conception = life that's fine, BUT when egg + sperm = conception there is hope for potential life at least in a wanted pregnancy. Being pro-life myself, I don't understand when a baby becomes a baby and how anyone can decide that. Any pro-choicers want to take a stab at this? Some babies have survived mid 20 weeks of gestation, correct? Sorry I struggle with this political debate. I understand that it is a women's right to chose and I respect that, but I can't agree with it, especially after everything I've been through! Don't get me wrong in extremely rare cases I totally understand...ie unhealthy pregnancy, mother's life is in danger, rape or incest. :::SIGH:::

What do I do? Where do I go from here? Will he ever understand? I'm not sure....but I do know I feel better after getting this off my chest.