Numb

I've had a rough few days with people non-stop texting me. I appreciate every one's concern, I really do but I just want to be left alone. There are times I feel nothing and other times I feel disgusting and dirty because I just want this "thing" out of me! I call it a "thing" because there is no actual baby growing inside me, just an empty amniotic sac. An empty sac that is fooling my body into thinking that I'm pregnant! I'm still having nausea in the AM, peeing constantly, my boobs hurt, my stomach looks and feels bloated and I'm tired as hell. "Body, its useless!! Stop with the symptoms already! I'm not pregnant!" Unless you have been through it you absolutely have no clue.

As much as I thought it would be nice to get out of the house and go back to work, it wasn't! I thought I wouldn't make it past morning without crying. I felt all over the place with some co-workers knowing and others for thinking I wasn't feeling well since I was not at work on Friday. Some even thought I was away for my first year anniversary on the 12th. They have no idea! Two girls are also pregnant at work, one I know is one week ahead of my first baby. It kills me every time I look at her belly, that I'm still not worthy of having a belly like that for some ungodly reason!