I just know...

I just know deep down inside that this is a chemical pregnancy once again. I sit here crying once again, feeling like a failure and a huge let down. I'm so disappointed. I'm so mad and I'm so sad. How can this be happening again?

I don't have the strength to keep fighting...I feel so weak right now...I have zero hope that my numbers are doubling thanks to me POAS tonight and it barely having a hint of a line.

Maybe this is my punishment for always succeeding in life up until this point. I've had it pretty easy, more easy than most. I grew up an only child because my mom had cervical cancer when I was 3 and at the young age of 30. My mom was a SAHM, while my dad worked crazy shifts as a local police officer. They some how made it work. As I grew up my parents provided me with anything I needed. School came easy to me for the most part, I succeeded in dance, and even in most sports I wasn't too shabby. My dad and I grew far apart and in my senior year of HS my parents separated when my dad was having an emotional affair with a co-worker. That's probably as dysfunctional as it has gotten for me. Ok so there were a lot more bumps and curves in the road that I will tell you some other time but I'm grateful for the most part that I've had an easy life compared to most.

I'm not a patient person either. Are you testing my patience God? I'm waving a huge white flag at the moment. Can't you see it?

Please, please, please pray for a miracle tonight! Please pray that I am wrong and that everything is right on track. I know many of you, many of my friends, many of my co-workers, and many of my family have been praying for us and I'm so thankful to have such wonderful people in my life!! I don't know what I would do without you!