EDD....came and went...

So the day before my EDD, August 5th, my co-worker who was pregnant decided to bring her bundle of joy in to show off to the clinic. Great for her...not so great for me. I was rude, I admit, but I don't know what I would have done if I even acknowledge her let alone looked at the baby. It kills me to know that I should be holding my own bundle of joy by now (or very soon). It kills me to think or at least I could be almost half way through my 2nd pregnancy. ::sigh:: I hate the thoughts sometimes!

Honestly, I was very busy yesterday to even think about it. Does that make me a horrible mother? Or am was I just denying it? Eh...either way...I got through the day without getting overly emotional. Part of the reason I think I was able to put it out of my head is that I'm about to O. Which I'm trying to stay positive that this is the cycle! The cycle that we will conceive our child that is meant for here on Earth with us.

I do have other good news....my business cards arrived today. They look great! I like them at least. I'm hopefully going to print off some brochures and schedules this Saturday so I can begin my advertising. YAY! Then it will be onto lesson plans.

Well I'm off to seduce my husband....please cheer on the swimmers! ;-)

Can we just fast forward a month?

So...yup sex week did not happen for us what-so-ever! Is it August 16th yet? Waiting a freakin month seems like eternity right now. I hate starting all over and having nothing to show. August 16th, would put us past my first EDD, so that would be great if we could skip over that as well! My OPK this month has been positive the past 3 days which is confusing to me. I never thought I ovulated this late. How can that be possible when AF is due the 19th?

I'm so frustrated. Things are not great at MrsJT's residence. I can't figure out what to do and I just feel trapped! Trapped in this hell, that wouldn't be hell if I didn't loose 2 babies. Some days I feel like such a failure. I'm tired of all these tests Lord. I swear I'll do whatever it takes to have a healthy baby in my arms in 2009. I know you will not put us through more than we can handle but right now I've had enough and don't know how much longer I can fight. I just want to surrender but that means I'm still a failure for giving up.

Sorry I'm already prepared for AF in a week. Bring on the those symptoms...the tiredness, the gas, the thirst, the peeing 8 times today. Screw you body I'm tired of all the tricks you have played on me!