Disclaimer #1: So I'm going to apologize now...this may be TMI for many of you but I need to vent and this is where I can do that. So please if you don't want to know any detail about my sex life...DO NOT read any further.
So as some of you know sex week began for us. I'm using an OPK this month and the line continued to get darker. Which is grrrr-eat! Well it would be if my husband was feeling half way decent. Out of the 8 months we've tried....we have been sick 3 of those months during sex week. Can you say frustrating?
When we were not TTC Mike was typically the one who wanted sex and initiated it. I definitely do not need sex as often as he does and find myself doing it to make him happy, at least in the first few minutes until I get turned on. Some days its a chore though.
Now that we are TTC I'm the one who wants it. I'll just say that thinking about making a baby....turns me on. Sex week = me being horny! So of course...Mike finds this odd in some ways and of course is NOT turned on during sex week. He feels I'm only this way because I want a baby. Which I understand to a point...but I'm not making this baby for me...I think/thought this is what we both wanted. I'm trying to open a new door for the two of us, not just me.
So...according to my OPK my LH surge is positive on day 19 (yesterday) & 20 (today). The test strip has been much darker than the control, there is no mistaking it! However, I'm usually on a 28 day cycle. So I'm very confused that I would be ovulating so late. Now I realize this is my 2nd cycle after my D&E and AF arrived 30 days after. So who knows my cycles could very well have changed or just be F-ed up. So throw that into the mix...as well as...
Anyways...our fight had to due with me only being horny at this time of the month and only when were TTC do I seem to initiate sex. Fine, I'm guilty! Now that the roles are reversed and he's not the horny one he feels like its a chore. Welcome to my world! How comes he does not find making a baby sexy, he finds it now to be a chore? Is it because I tell him when I might be ovulating? But if I don't tell him, he'll know any way if I initiate it. Its not like he asks where are you in your cycle? I know planned sex might not sound sexy but...I don't want him using all his energy and when I come home saying I'm too tired. He feels like I just want him for his sperm and in a way I do...but I want to make a baby for us. It totally turns me on that its us expanding our family or at least trying.
He is also blaming me for indirectly putting pressure on him. He says when AF shows its hell week and everyone has to pay especially him. He tells me when AF shows he feels that I'm mad at him that I am not pregnant. Which is not the case at all! I'm disappointed that I didn't get pregnant and I'm frustrated that we didn't time it correctly or that something wasn't right (ie. sperm weren't good swimmers, egg was bad, who knows). Which not knowing the reason that I didn't get pregnant also frustrates the hell outta me because I'm left wondering what we did wrong and no one to tell me. So I am a bitchy lady, but what he also doesn't understand is I never experienced PMS like I do now. It wasn't nearly as bad on BCP, now its miserable at times.
So sex week is becoming hell week it seems. I am frustrated and stressed! I'm frustrated to the point I just wanna freeze his sperm throughout the month and during sex week I'll just shoot it up there! That way it doesn't require the effort on his part nor the stress on my end. Why does this have to be so frustrating? Who ever thought?
11 months ago
1 comments:
My Husband and I went through a period like this early in the TTC time, he thought used that I only wanted it during that time of the month. Anyways, I started giving in during other times of the month and he has been much more cooperative during that time of the month once we started IF treatments. Sorry you had to go through this, many of us have been there.
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